Sunday, July 22, 2012

Money and the Human fly trap:

Just wanted to put out the disclaimer that this post has two parts.  The first is ol for all readers the second is probably somewhere around 16+ and male readers will understand this in a more intimate way.

Part 1 Money

So on Friday the van ran out of gas and we found out that if you run a Chevy out of gas there is a good chance that you will over heat your fuel pump, in which case you will find a friend with a trailer and tow your car to the mechanics where they will inform you that it is almost 700 dollars to fix.  There's also a chance that your fuel pump will be ok. 
On that afternoon Phin was playing with the rear automatic window and it stopped moving.  After being a little frustrated I proceeded to take the car door apart and see what I could see.  After removing the nice looking part what is revealed is a clear peice of plastic that is tarred around the edges to hold it to the door frame.  Under that are some wires and the metal shell that protects the window.  I unplugged the wires and tested them with my trusty volt meter and found that the required 12v(love google) was there.  I shook what I could and banged a little with the idea that what's good for the TV/VCR/old nintendo is probably good for the car window.  Replugged it in and found that nothing had changed. 
Next thought was that if 12 v is not enough why not give it more power.  I grabbed the extension cord from the garage and six inch lengths of electrical white and black wire(been working on clementines room and I had just snipped this off the night before) and proceeded to insert the black and white wires into the positive and negative holes of the extension wire(I know good idea right?)
These I then very carefully touched to the exposed ends of the motor wires.....

ehhrgekjhsopuer(said the overloaded motor)

nope didn't work, why not try it again?...

lkowegjfpiughw( said the overloaded motor again)

Well why not one or two more times just for good measure...


I think I got it.  I removed the wires and replugged the actual wire back on.  Lets turn the key part way and try the switch.

vishhhhhhhhhhhh.(goes the window as it slides smoothly upwards)

Lets put the door back together and happily whistle a tune that cost nothing but some time. 
This fix was much more satisfying then the fuel pump.

Part 2 Human flytrap

Saturday morning I was riding the ridge trail at the top of the alpine loop and was on the last couple of meadows back toward the car after a good 8ish mile ride and the rider in front of my crashed and ended up with his mike in a bush that was issuing yellow jackets like a smashed Cheetos bag.  He ran down the trail and I grabbed his bike for him.  We both moved down the trail.  He said thanks, he was allergic and didn't want to get stung.  He rode off and I took the moment to enjoy the beautiful outdoors by relieving myself while standing over my bike in the middle of the trail.  I love the out of doors, and I love when fluids and solids and gases leave my body.  These two loves fit together wonderfully.

As I reached into my liners to pull out my circumcised friend I noticed that I had a case of surfing wiener.  This is the technical name for when your body feels you are going to hurt yourself so causes everything to retract.  If you are circumcised this also allows you to see what you might have looked like if you had not been circumcised as the head retreats and the foreskin covers. 

This sight always makes me chuckle a little so I did. 

As I shook my self to cause the foreskin to retract I noticed something on my head.  I shook again and realized that I was looking at the most amazing thing ever(insert clever penis joke here).  Somehow earlier in the ride a fly had somehow gotten into my liner and ended up on my head.  What it(the fly) didn't know was that I am one of the very few human flytraps.  My foreskin sensing that it had a meal within easy reach very slowly reached up and trapped the fly between it and my head. 
After 7-8 miles of riding what I uncovered between my foreskin and my head was a very dead but very well preserved fly.  Oh what a death.  I thought of taking a picture but then realized that I frequently give my phone to my students to access the Chinese dictionary app and that I really like my job.

When relating this story to a group of friends the first thing that they asked about was if I had taken a picture.  I told them sadly no.  When I told Ellie she thought that taking a picture would be a horrible idea.   So for the next time the human flytrap dines I would like to take a very informal poll and let you all, my family, decide what I should do. 

Love you guys and lets go for a ride. 

Dad as editor of the blog I give you full rights to remove this post if you deem it inappropriate.  Love you


Scott Abbott said...

if you could just connect parts one and two -- maybe with a little electricity to resurrect the fly? -- you'd have a story that someone might buy for the film rights and then you wouldn't have to take your own picture.

that's my thought.

must have been a beautiful ride.

Benabbo said...

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I don't know how they got in there.

Scott Abbott said...

funny ben!